Thursday, November 7, 2013


This is as much for me as it is for you, kids. Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, whether they like it or not, are pop rivals. They have released albums at around the same time, singles around the same time, and they are both young ladies in the spotlight who gets their tits out for publicity on occasion. Yay! Sluts!! Now, these two albums could NOT be more different. Katy is going for the broadest possible audience with pure pop music and Gaga doesn't really seem to care about mass appeal, going for more off-beat sounds and lyrics. So let's take this track by track and see how the layout works for Prism versus ARTPOP. Here we go, the battle of the bitches, 2013. Read on. Bee-Tee-Dubs, I reserve the right to later on totally change my mind about any of these comparisons. I am a fickle gay. The first songs are Katy's and the second are Gaga's. For those of you who aren't familiar: < = less than; > = greater than; = = equal. Hey, I don't know your life!

1. Roar < Aura - To be fair, Roar is the lowest possible denominator in any Katy Perry song. I don't enjoy it at all. BUT Aura is also a fun, sexy song and a great album opener. This one goes to Gaga.

2. Legendary Lovers = Venus - This was a tough one. I genuinely like both of these songs. Venus is campy and fun and Legendary Lovers is a more sincere love song. I just can't pick between them. Both are standouts. It's a tie!!

3. Birthday < G.U.Y. - I know Katy's fans are going crazy for Birthday, but to me it's just Last Friday Night, Part 2. Not that it's bad; it's actually pretty appealing and cute and perfect to play on your sexy-times partner's birthday. But G.U.Y. pumps along with a thumping beat and just enough Gaga weirdness to give it that something special to put it over the top. Lady Gaga gets this one.

4. Walking On Air < Sexxx Dreams - Walking On Air still annoys me, though it is growing on me a little. I just can't get the image of Katy, one of the most uncoordinated pop stars ever, dancing to this 90s house throwback on SNL. It kind of makes me cringe and laugh. Sexxx Dreams is one of Gaga's most sexually explicit songs to date and it is good, y'all! Gaga gets it.

5. Unconditionally > Jewels N' Drugs (ft T.I., Too $hort and Twista) - Without a doubt. Not only is Unconditionally a pretty good song, Jewels N' Drugs is an embarrassment. I genuinely hate it. Katy takes this one.

6. Dark Horse > MANiCURE - Dark Horse is the E.T. of Prism, and that's a good thing. It's nice to see Katy get out of cutesy mode every now and then. This one works. MANiCURE, aside from the fact that I CAN'T with the typography, is an entertaining song, but it doesn't quite fit in the order of the album. I am not sold on it; therefore, Katy takes this one.

7. This Is How We Do < Do What U Want (ft. R. Kelly) -No contest, Gaga takes this one. This Is How We Do is verging on obnoxious. Both songs are the artists attempts at hip hop, and Gaga's Do What U Want is a winner for sure. Point: Gaga.

8. International Smile < ARTPOP - Although International Smile is one of my faves on Prism, ARTPOP is unbeatable in my mind right now. It's dark and sexy and hard for any song off of either album to top. Gaga snags another one.

9. Ghost < Swine - Swine is a electro/industrial hybrid with some sweet cooing bridges thrown in for good measure. Weird also. Ghost is a heartfelt ballad that could have been written by a junior high girl who just got dumped by the football player of her dreams. I'm not complaining about that. I'm a junior high girl at heart, after all. Clearly. Swine wins this one by a nose.

10. Love Me > Donatella - Love Me has some clever lyrics. Unlike what it sounds like, it's actuallly about self-empowerment. It's got a nice beat and a bubbly, electro undercurrent in it's mid-tempo arrangement. Donatella is more camp from ARTPOP. It is a serviceable number, but doesn't quite take off like you want it to. Not as over-the-top as it's subject matter. Katy, take it and run.

11. This Moment > Fashion! - This Moment remind me of a hybrid of I Want To Break Free and Radio Gaga by Queen. Those are great songs and this is a pretty awesome one too! It's ironic (dontcha think?) that Katy would take this one with a song that sounds like the song Gaga's stage name came from? Fashion! is a good tune, but doesn't quite have the umph! that This Moment has. Nice 90s feel to it, though. Score, Katy.

12. Double Rainbow = Mary Jane Holland - Two very, very different songs. Mary Jane Holland is a celebration of weed, basically, once you boil it down. Double Rainbow is so serious it was co-written by Sia. Now THAT'S serious. MJH is a thumping industrial banger and Double Rainbow is a pretty ballad. I can't pick one. It's another tie.

13. By The Grace of God < Dope - I will say that By The Grace of God is quite lovely. It's nice to feel that Katy has opened the curtain and let us in to what she's gone through the last couple of years. It really humanizes her. That being said, Dope is a gut-wrenching, Alanis-worthy piano number where Gaga bares her soul and sings her vajayjay off. I'm going to have to hand this one to Lady Gaga.

14. Spiritual > Gypsy - Gypsy is pretty epic in it's sound and scope, but does seem like a sequel to Edge of Glory so I'm taking a couple points off for that. Fair? Well, you can disagree on YOUR blog. Ha. Spiritual is my favorite song on Prism. It's kind of everything. I like the beat, the lyrics, the overall feel. It's Katy at her dreamiest. Spiritual trumps Gypsy.

15. It Takes Two < Applause - While It Takes Two is fine pop music, Applause is one of the catchiest songs of the year. Applause is a great example of Gaga's ability to write a hook and stands up with some of her best. Point: Gaga.

16. Choose Your Battles = (no #16) - Katy has an extra song, so this doesn't count.

SO, what's the score?
Prism - 5 (+ 2 ties)
ARTPOP - 8 (+ 2 ties)

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