Since when does crazy classify as cardio? Heidi Montag recently revealed that she works out 14 hours a day to keep her plastic in the right places. I call bullshit, but you know what? I work out more than Heidi. Check this out. 7 AM: I get up in the morning and climb the Mount Everest in my backyard. I pause at the top for some air-popped popcorn and a tic tac and then I climb back down. Throw up. 10 AM: I chase my tail in the tightest circle possible while screaming obscenities at children in the park, licking it twice for a mid-morning snack. Throw up. 12 PM: Lay on 9th Avenue and let cars run over my stomach while holding in farts. I vomit in my mouth for lunch. 2 PM: Yoga and a sensible fruit cup. 5 PM: Violently vomit for three hours. Really clinch your butt cheeks and work your abs while doing this or it's just a waste of time and fruit cups. 8 PM: For the last two hours I take off all my clothes and run through Central Park and ask strangers to punch me in the face while covered in feces. Why feces? Why not. The walk back to my apartment is the cool down, so it doesn't count. 7 AM to 10 PM = 15 hours, Heidi. SUCK ON THAT!!!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
HEIDI MONTAG SAYS SHE WORKS OUT 14 HOURS A DAY: I DO 15!
Since when does crazy classify as cardio? Heidi Montag recently revealed that she works out 14 hours a day to keep her plastic in the right places. I call bullshit, but you know what? I work out more than Heidi. Check this out. 7 AM: I get up in the morning and climb the Mount Everest in my backyard. I pause at the top for some air-popped popcorn and a tic tac and then I climb back down. Throw up. 10 AM: I chase my tail in the tightest circle possible while screaming obscenities at children in the park, licking it twice for a mid-morning snack. Throw up. 12 PM: Lay on 9th Avenue and let cars run over my stomach while holding in farts. I vomit in my mouth for lunch. 2 PM: Yoga and a sensible fruit cup. 5 PM: Violently vomit for three hours. Really clinch your butt cheeks and work your abs while doing this or it's just a waste of time and fruit cups. 8 PM: For the last two hours I take off all my clothes and run through Central Park and ask strangers to punch me in the face while covered in feces. Why feces? Why not. The walk back to my apartment is the cool down, so it doesn't count. 7 AM to 10 PM = 15 hours, Heidi. SUCK ON THAT!!!
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