WANT TO BE A PEDOPHILE? IT WILL COST YOU ONLY $4.5MILLION

Child rapist Roman Polanski has been granted bail from a Swiss court for the sum of $4.5 million dollars. He will remain under house arrest at his Swiss Chalet with electronic monitoring. The Swiss Justice Ministry says it will keep Chester the Child Molester in jail until a decision is made whether or not to appeal to the supreme court. Polanski fled justice in the 70s after drugging and having sex with a 13 year-old child. He has remained in his life of luxury for the years since, making films and living the high life. Even his house arrest is cooshy!!!! Keep his azz in jail, I say. Money can get you out of jail, but it doesn't clear your conscience. [variety]